President George W. Bush has defiantly proclaimed that the United States does not torture detainees. Rather, all suspected terrorists are being held at a quaint bed and breakfast in Nothern California's Napa Valley. After a mid-morning brunch to die for, the detainees are treated to a glorious afternoon of aroma therapy, mud masks, and a full body massage at one of Napa's most exclusive day spas with breathtaking views of the scenic countryside.
While the "best behaved" detainees are "treated" to an evening of wine tasting and mouth watering California-French cuisine, the "uncooperative" prisoners are "forced" to drink merlot and eat day-old quiche. The administration is hopeful that this stern treatment will teach the detainees to savor freedom.
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