The Final Solution: Terrorists Banished to Middle Earth

The United States Government has searched high and low to find the perfect location to secretly stash away accused terrorists. However, it has proven difficult to circumvent national and international laws prohibiting the mistreatment of prisoners and the establishment of clandestine internment camps.

Just when the CIA had abandoned all hope of finding a distant land where suspected terrorists could be secretly interrogated and ritually tortured, President George W. Bush arrived at a simple solution. A final solution.

The following is an exact transcript of a secretly recorded conversation between President Bush and a top White House advisor.

Advisor: "Mr. President, the CIA is expecting you to provide some direction regarding the significant problem of civil liberties and international treaties as they pertain to the ongoing imprisonment and torture of suspected terrorists."

Bush: "You know, I've been thinking about that. There's just nowhere on this planet to stick those prisoners without some group or the other finding out about the whole thing. But I was watching that hobbit movie last night, and I noticed that there ain't no humans in that Middle Earth Place...I thought there was, but then I saw them pointy ears and figured they were aliens or something....but anyway, I reckon if we transport those prisoners to Middle Earth where no one can find 'em, and there ain't no ACLU breathing down your neck, then we can make sure nobody ever finds out about what we've been up to."

Advisor: "Sir, are you being serious right now?"

Bush: "Serious as a heart attack.......oh, sorry 'bout that Dick."

Dick Cheney (having just entered the room): "No Problem. What are you sons of bitches talking about in here?"

Bush: "Well Dick, I think we better send those terrorists off to Middle Earth and stash them in that volcano thing with the big evil eye....you know...the place where Frodo's going to. Let's see some liberal watchdog group find those suckers inside a volcano."

Cheney: inaudible response.

Less than one month after the above communication, the CIA quickly put the President's plan into action. All suspected terrorists (or at least those who looked like they might be) were rounded up and transported to Middle Earth on the back of Gwaihir the Windlord. Halliburton was awarded a series of no-bid contracts to erect a state-of-the art prison deep in the heart of Mordor.

Chained together in the fiery pit of Mordor, under the watchful eye of Sauron, the ancient servant of Morgoth, these prisoners were detained for months on end. It is only due to the brave reporting of the Washington Post that the story of the Mordor Internment Camps have been discovered, and the abuses within finally revealed.

The Washington Post reports:

...The hidden global internment network is a central element in the CIA's unconventional war on terrorism. It depends on the cooperation of foreign intelligence services, and on keeping even basic information about the system secret from the public, foreign officials and nearly all members of Congress charged with overseeing the CIA's covert actions....

...Virtually nothing is known about who is kept in the facilities, what interrogation methods are employed with them, or how decisions are made about whether they should be detained or for how long...

...It is illegal for the government to hold prisoners in such isolation in secret prisons in the United States, which is why the CIA placed them overseas, according to several former and current intelligence officials and other U.S. government officials. Legal experts and intelligence officials said that the CIA's internment practices also would be considered illegal under the laws of several host countries, where detainees have rights to have a lawyer or to mount a defense against allegations of wrongdoing...

...More than 100 suspected terrorists have been sent by the CIA into the covert system, according to current and former U.S. intelligence officials and foreign sources. This figure, a rough estimate based on information from sources who said their knowledge of the numbers was incomplete, does not include prisoners picked up in Iraq...

FOLKS, READ THE WASHINGTON POST ARTICLE.....THIS IS 100% REAL

Every compassionate, patriotic, freedom-loving member of this great nation should rise up and protest this illegal, disgusting abuse of international prisoners! Its time to stand up to Sauron, Saruman, Ugluk, and the Orc army, and demand accountability once and for all.

The CIA, with the express approval of President George W. Bush has gone to great links to find remote, uncharted locations, free of all international laws, to detain, interrogate, and abuse suspected terrorists.

The Washington Post further reports:

...The agency set up prisons under its covert action authority. Under U.S. law, only the president can authorize a covert action, by signing a document called a presidential finding. Findings must not break U.S. law and are reviewed and approved by CIA, Justice Department and White House legal advisers...

...Six days after the Sept. 11 attacks, President Bush signed a sweeping finding that gave the CIA broad authorization to disrupt terrorist activity, including permission to kill, capture and detain members of al Qaeda anywhere in the world...

The Fellowship of the Bush has taken an ugly, dare I say fatal, turn. We only recently learned of the misinformation we were fed by the administration to justify the Iraq War. Now, in the wake of a war that cost over two thousand American lives, we further learn that the President has authorized prisoner abuse in OUR NAME.

It's time to get angry.

Thanks to TL for the tip.