National Geographic Magazine has reported today that the "Single, 28 Year Old Male" has finally replaced the "Tree-Dwelling Funnel-Web Spider" as the most dangerous creature on the planet Earth.
Whereas the Tree-Dwelling Funnel-Web Spider neutralizes and ultimately kills its defenseless victims with potent venom, the Single, 28 Year Old Male stalks its prey without the aid of any poison, claws, talons, or fangs. Rather, this complicated species relies upon his masked loneliness, undeserved ego, and ever-increasing sense of desperation to alienate his male friends and terrify unsuspecting females.
Researchers agree that the Single, 28 Year Old Male, overwhelmed by the responsibilities of adulthood, yet far too adolescent to adequately conceal his utter confusion and inner pain, is capable of destroying friendships, shunning family, and horrifying otherwise good-natured females.
Most Single, 28 Year Old Males, lacking confidence, tend to travel in clusters, congregating in major metropolitan areas across the globe. If you come into contact with one, do not attempt to stroke his ego or feed into his extreme sense of entitlement.
1 comment:
The most dangerous members of this species are those that believe the following:
Whiskey is my mattress, beer my pillow
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