Say what you will about Scientologists, but they may be on to something with this "Silent Birthing" thing. In recent months, it has been near impossible to silence Tom Cruise....whether mounting a crusade against psychiatry or cartoonishly praising his Rosemary bride, Mr. Cruise has been quite -- ahem -- "vocal" in recent months.
However, the Cruise-Holmes miracle offering is scheduled for arrival any day now, and that can only mean one thing......extended silence. Am I alone in hoping that Ms. Holmes is in labor for, oh, I don't know....say, maybe two weeks or so? Is that asking too much?
I can just imagine Mr. Cruise jumping on a couch, silently waving his arms (perhaps with a ball-gag in his mouth), preparing to receive his doomed newborn. One immediately thinks of Jor-El wrapping Kal-El in brightly colored, tin foil swaddling clothes preparing the child for his predetermined destiny.
It has been widely reported that Mr. Cruise's "friends" were spotted carrying several posters into the Cruise compound, one of which read “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable.” To that, I can only say THANK YOU. Thank you Scientology for finally telling Mr. Cruise what the entire world has wanted to tell him to his face for the past year.
BE SILENT AND MAKE ALL PHYSICAL MOVEMENTS SLOW AND UNDERSTANDABLE!!!
Couldn't have said it better myself.
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