LEBRON AND I: Tough as Nails

As I watched the Lakers v. Cavs game last week, it occurred to me that I have a lot in common with Lebron James. Do not laugh. I am serious. Of course, I am not the most versatile NBA guard since Magic Johnson, nor do I possess a single shoe contract, but if you look closer, you will see it. You have to look beyond our physical appearances. Beyond our relative abilities to shoot a basketball. You will have to ignore, for a moment, the fact that Lebron makes his teammates better, whereas I reject the very notion of a teammate. Furthermore, you simply must disregard the fact that Lebron has his very own T.V. commercial, while I, on the other hand, would exchange my left testicle for a S.A.G. card. I am not concerned with such minutiae.

So, I have a confession: I am a chronic nail biter. And, I hasten to add, SO IS KING JAMES. If you have watched merely one quarter of one Cavaliers game this season, you have witnessed Lebron absolutely devouring his fingernails. In fact, his nail biting has become so prolific that he is now a poster child for stopbitingnails.com. At times, Lebron looks absolutely invincible, and yet, when he goes to the bench for a timeout and furiously chews his nails, he resembles a scared boy seconds before his third grade talent show. Last week, Lebron praised Kobe Bryant by explaining that, while he felt he had similar on-court skills as Kobe, he could not yet match Kobe's killer instinct. Well, it is hard to intimidate opponents and garner the absolute trust of your teammates when, with 10 seconds on the clock, you are biting your fingernails while anticipating the final inbounds pass.



Can you imagine if President Bush bit his fingernails during the State of the Union Address? We would certainly have even less faith in him than we do at present....if that is possible. How about if your esteemed heart surgeon commenced chewing his nails before performing a quadruple bypass. This would not inspire confidence, to say the least.

If Lebron truly wants to ascend to the upper echelon of NBA guards, and hang his jersey alongside the likes of Jordan, Magic, and The Big O, he has to kick his nasty habit. NBA immortality comes at a price. You need not be infallible, you must simply appear as such. I do not know this for sure, but I would venture to guess that Jordan maintained perfectly manicured nails. Likewise, I would assume that Jerry West did not exhibit a facial tic everytime he went to the free throw line during crunch time. To truly become a God of the hardcourt, you must shed all of the habits, fears, and psychological crutches that earthbound men uncounsciously rely on throughout their day.

Unless and until Lebron ceases biting the very instruments upon which he shall base his legend, he is just like me. A true NBA immortal does not bite his nails. I bite my nails. And, for the time being, I am merely a legend in my own mind.